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You’ve set the date, and now you’re in the planning stage. Before you make an announcement about your wedding, it’s a good idea to have a general plan of what you want to do. Still, you may find yourself with many people who want to help or offer their suggestions on how things should be done.

The Guilt Trip

It may start with the very first steps of planning who will be in your wedding party. When I planned my wedding many years ago, my mother adamant that my nephew should be in the wedding party. He was her first grandson and the new “baby” in the family. He was very cute, and the challenge was that his second birthday was exactly one week before our wedding. I first said no, it wasn’t going to happen, he’s too young. A few weeks later, she came back with “you know, your brother is really hurt that you’re not having his son in the wedding.” While I love my brother, I was still worried that he just might not be old enough. After much thought, we decided since we had two flower girls, we would let him be the ring bearer and put him between the two girls to walk down the aisle. And then I told my mother if he caused a scene, it would be all her fault!:) As it turned out for us, he did a great job. He got very shy when he came out and saw the people and walked all the way down the aisle with his head hid behind his sister’s arm. Still, it worked.

The Bartering Trip

Then there are those who will try to barter with you. It goes like this: Well, if we can’t have this color of dress, I really can’t be your bridesmaid because that color doesn’t look good on me. You want your friends in your wedding, and yet you don’t want them to run the show. Bridesmaids can be a challenge if you aren’t prepared to stand up to the notion that you have to please everyone. In this case, it’s important to try to involve them. It’s also important when you’re picking your bridesmaid dresses that you try to find something that will look good on everyone you plan to have in the wedding party. In the end, however, don’t give up on the things that you’ve dreamed about for your special day. There may be times when you have to say “I’m really sorry you feel that way” and move on to a Plan B.

The Guests Who Must Bring Additional Guests

When you plan your wedding and your reception, one of the first things you have to do is decide how many you will invite. That is largely determined by what you want it to be and your budget. If you invite singles, it’s important to note on their invitation “…and guest” if it’s okay for them to bring a guest.

If you are marrying in a culture that’s different from your own, this one could come into play without you knowing ahead of time what the “norms” are. With my wedding, we were married in Barbados. As I began to gather my checklist for seating for the reception, I asked my husband to be “who is this person on your aunt’s list?” He had no idea. He called her, she told him. He hung up and said “it’s their taxi driver.” Really? I asked “Do you know him?” No. So, WHY do we have to add a seat at our reception for him? For them, that was a norm. Their driver was simply included because he was bringing them and wasn’t going to be leaving and coming back later. So add the seat we did.

For those times when you’re asked to add someone and it’s just not possible, be prepared to be firm and say no. Remember, it’s your budget and you have to stick within what you can manage. Many times a caterer plans for a bit of an overage when planning food. If you know what this is ahead of time, that will help as well. You might want to plan to have a few extra seats at a table for those who just show up unannounced.

The Divorced Parents and Blended Families

This can be a challenge if the parents aren’t friendly. Ideally, both want something good for their child and will agree to get along for the day. If you have a challenge with this, plan separate seating. Plan a time when you are taking your pictures to have one part of the parents there, then let them retreat to the reception area and take pictures with the others. With the right planning and coordination, and perhaps a reminder to everyone that it’s your day and after they want that day to be special for you, you’ll find a way to manage this one.

The Most Important Thing

The most important thing in dealing with people trying to take over the plans for your wedding is to remember that it is YOUR day. YOU are the one who needs to be happy with the day. Be firm in what you want to see, if you can compromise and want to, do that, but in the end, be sure it’s a day that you will enjoy and remember forever.

Are there any other challenges you’ve seen in your wedding planning in dealing with difficult people or situations?

What is beauty anyway?

The answer to that question seems to come at us everyday through magazines like; People, Chatelaine, Men’s Health, Vogue, Hello, Esquire, newspapers, television shows like; Extreme Makeover, Entertainment Tonight, The Miss Universe Pageant, Access Hollywood and the advertisements that come with those publications and shows, that purport to know what beauty is. We seem to take for granted that the narrow, superficial societal definition of beauty is essentially related to physical appearance and attraction. But have you really stopped to ponder what beauty is, really?

Leonard Cohen; singer, songwriter, novelist and poet said that “everything that’s beautiful is cracked, that’s how the light gets in.” I do believe he has captured the essence of beauty.

Beauty is in the nature of our flaws. It is in our reflective self-awareness and acceptance of our imperfections that we discover our true beauty. Once we begin to reach that level of maturity and self-esteem, approaching self-actualization, we increasingly behave and even radiate an inner goodness, grace and dignity, which becomes evident to the people around us. Acceptance of ourselves is eventually what leads us to becoming self-actualized. It allows us to transcend our imperfections, highlight and focus on our strengths and forge a life for ourselves and for those who we love in a congruent way with the essence of our being.

To translate; “that’s how the light gets in,” is meant to mean quite literally becoming “enlightened.” When the light shines through the cracks in our outer armor rather than blinding us, it illuminates areas in our lives that we need to bring attention to. Those cracks or flaws are what often keeps us from achieving that level of esteem that all of us desire, whether we are consciously aware of them or not. We can do two things in relation to our imperfections, work to bring about change that will perhaps eliminate or minimize them or just come to accept them as a part of who we are in the world.

So, don’t be afraid to let the light shine through the cracks, open up to it, bask in its warmth and glow, work with it to bring harmony to your life, find your true self then share it with the world.
I believe that in spite of the seemingly complex nature of our world today, our true self is actually love reflected. Become a positive force for good, it will make you feel better.

James Ladd
Your Personal Coach

Dressmakers design and model clothes on dummies; that’s a whole different department of dummies. Jeff Dunham’s creations are dancing, singing, cussing folks, as real as the guy next door. Ventriloquism is a very old art, and Jeff Dunham has come pretty close to perfecting it. Certainly he’s come close enough for his millions of fans.

Jeff says that “throwing your voice” is something most anyone can learn, like juggling. Of course, he doesn’t “throw” his voice. He just uses it in conjunction with a couple of his other amazing talents, like engineering and comedy. Add to all that a super-quick mind and an irresistible personality, and you’ve got a knockout. Jeff Dunham and his oh-so-believable, obnoxious and hilariously funny bunch of ‘dummies’ have insulted and enthralled just about everybody they’ve met.

Beginning in the 1980′s, Jeff Dunham has been touring the comedy club circuit all over the United States. When he appeared on The Tonight Show in 1990, he became one of only five comedians in Johnny Carson’s 30-year tenure to be invited to “the couch”. While continuing to average 250 live shows on the road during the year, Jeff also makes his presence known in all areas of the media. He and one of his pals, Walter, did a very effective commercial for Hertz. At his first appearance on Comedy Club Central Presents in 2003, he introduced his early version of four of his sidesplitting cohorts, and he has just gone on from there.

Jeff and his “company” have made an appearance on Good Morning America, 60 Minutes II and Entertainment Tonight, just to name a few. He has twice been named the “Funniest Male Stand-Up Comic” at the American Comedy Awards. Comedy Central voted him Number One in their “Stand-Up Showdown” in 2008, and the man just keeps getting better.

Jeff Dunham also has three specials under his belt. The first one, taped in 2006, was “Jeff Dunham: Arguing With Myself” – “myself” being four different puppet personalities. It gets confusing! The second, in 2007 was “Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity”, when he brought out Achmed the Dead Terrorist, to great delight (and minor flack from some Muslims). Achmed offers a disclaimer: “Look on my butt. It says ‘Made in China’!” On “Jeff Dunham’s Very Special Christmas Special” the gang performed some very special songs which were later released on the music DVD “Don’t Come Home For Christmas”. That one includes Achmed’s version of “Jingle Bells”: “Jungle Bombs”. It’s horribly funny.

Each of Jeff’s remarkable suitcase (not “stable”) full of characters represents a shrewd and biting satire of familiar stereotypes. Walter is the grouchy and highly opinionated “old fart” who has a disparaging word for just about everybody and everything. Jose Jalapeno, the Mexican pepper-on-a-stick, is imperturbable but gloomy – and very funny. Sweet Daddy D is a player in the management profession – a P.I.M.P. He says he’s Jeff’s manager, which makes Jeff a “ho”. When Jeff says he does comedy just because he loves it, Daddy D tells him that just makes him a “dumb ho”. Then there’s Peanut, some kind of Micronesian creature, who likes to get right in Jeff’s face. There are more of these characters, and you really ought to meet them. They’ll make you scream with laughter while they throw insults at you, each other, and the rest of the world.

One rather understated description of Jeff Dunham is ‘multi-talented’. This guy designs and builds his own puppets with truly awesome engineering skill – self-taught! Then he proceeds to inhabit them with his own tremendous wit and insight. It is almost scary to watch him making fun of celebrities and crooks (often one and the same) through his wood-and-plastic sidekicks. No one is immune to his insults, including himself. The wonderful thing about his humor is that even his sharpest barbs make their recipients break out laughing at themselves Now that is quite a feat.

If all this hasn’t convinced you to go see Jeff Dunham, or get one of his DVD’s, or both – well, not a problem. You will just be missing out on the funniest and most talented ventriloquist alive today, not to mention the smartest dummies you’ll ever meet. Believe it, you really don’t want to do that!